


don't know where we're going (but i'd like to be by your side)

by tamanone



Series: memoirs [1]
Category: Joker Game (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Feelings, Implied Sexual Content, Just Married, M/M, Older Characters, Set in the 1980s, like legit old they're in their sixties, they're so in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-01 13:15:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18335078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamanone/pseuds/tamanone
Summary: “Hey,” he greets Kaminaga who’s still standing by the doorway, acting as if they haven’t spent the whole day together. With the way the other is looking at him, like he’s seeing Hatano for the first time, it may as well be true. “You okay there?”or: kamihata's first day of being married.written for Memoir: A Joker Game Event week 1





	don't know where we're going (but i'd like to be by your side)

**Author's Note:**

> (tahani al-jamil voice:) attention, everyone! do not look at me.
> 
> can't think of a story with an actual plot since i'm in the middle of finals period so here's an emotion-oriented word vomit about two really old men finally getting to express their love for each other for the first time instead. again, do not look at me. 
> 
> also happy 3rd anniversary joker game. loving you hurts but i love you nonetheless.
> 
> title is from "are you bored yet?" by wallows (which, btw, is my theme song for hs!au kamihata)

Their wedding ( **if** it could be called a wedding at all) is a swift and private affair, and happens the day after they officially retires. It’s just them and the officiant, saying the vows in an empty room. Not a single former colleague or subordinates are present, afraid of drawing suspicion. Even the giddiness one is supposed to feel when they say “I do” is still laced with apprehension, restless with the fear that someone might stumble upon them accidentally and ruin this whole thing. After the officiant finally declares them lawfully wedded they quickly voices their gratitude and slips out of the building.

Before long they’re back in the car, driving to their place, a house in the outskirts of the city that they just officially acquired a few days ago; it’s far enough from the crowdedness and the nonstop noises, but still close enough that they can drop by the agency building any time they want. It’s silent aside from the chatters and music from the radio, both of them falling into a combination of the silence that they’re not unfamiliar nor uncomfortable with and the loaded heaviness from the event just happened. After all, this is a wedding that happened merely **a week** after the proposal.

See, it’s not like Hatano thinks the idea being married to Kaminaga is bad, and certainly not like he isn’t sure that he’s in love with the other. It’s just... will they be okay? After all they’ve done, and everything they’ve went through? The two of them are people who have been conditioned to solitude and absolute independence, after all, even if the last twenty years they spent more time by each other’s side than apart, working together as a team as the last two original members of D-Agency guiding the new batch of spies.

The love they have for each other are true, but sometimes... sometimes, realistically, just being in love isn’t _enough_. And Hatano is, above all, a realist.

_It’s definitely too late to be contemplating all this, isn’t it._

When he turns his gaze from the scenery outside his window to Kaminaga, he notices something. Despite his left hand being gentle and slack on Hatano’s lap, his right hand has the steering wheel in a tight grip, and there’s a slight furrow between his brows, the one he always has whenever he’s deep in thought.

_Well, at least it seems like they’re in the same boat._

Hatano lets out a soundless sigh, and tenderly takes Kaminaga’s hand in his. The frown on his face lessens by the time Hatano starts caressing the side of the hand with his thumb, and disappears after Hatano coaxes him into a conversation about what to make for dinner and other things they should get from the store.

 

They reach the house as the sun starts to set. Hatano takes the house key and two bags of the groceries while Kaminaga turns off the car and brings in the rest of their purchases.

He doesn’t turn when the door clicks close, but he does turn after a few moments of not hearing any more sound.

“Hey,” he greets Kaminaga who’s still standing by the doorway, acting as if they haven’t spent the whole day together. With the way the other is looking at him, like he’s seeing Hatano for the first time, it may as well be true. “You okay there?”

Kaminaga doesn’t reply, only sets down the bags in his hands before striding closer and closer until he’s right in front of Hatano and Hatano has to look up, that eleven centimeters difference as apparent and annoying as ever. Their eyes meet, and Hatano is prepared to find intensity, an all-consuming desire— yet what he finds instead is vulnerability and love. So, so much love, he feels like he could drown in it.

Then Kaminaga cups his face, and kisses him long and deep. Like his gaze, the kiss is not driven by lust, just love. It’s like a dam within their hearts are breaking, and everything they’ve held inside for the past forty something years are overflowing. Hatano had known about his feelings for the other for a long time, but he wonders just how he’s been so oblivious to the sheer amount of it, until now. (He wonders if Kaminaga is exactly like him, or if he’s just that good at hiding things from everyone, Hatano included; wonders if he’ll get to ask him, one day.)

_And to think that up until eight days ago they were saying they would part ways after retiring... How foolish of them._

They break away after some time, no longer kissing but still close enough that their foreheads are touching and they’re breathing each other’s air. Kaminaga moves his hands from his face to wrap around his shoulder, and Hatano automatically winds his arms around his hips in response. Not for the first time, the irony of how quick and easy these purely affectionate gestures come to them when their relationship started as something solely physical is not lost on him.

“I love you,” Kaminaga whispers into his ear. Hatano hugs him a tad bit tighter. “Husband, my husband, I love you so much.” Hatano has an inkling of a feeling that there’s an unspoken continuation to it, what with the way his voice sounded almost broken, but he’s not going to pry right now, simply files it away as another thing he’ll hopefully get to know at some point. For now, he revels in the way warmth is spreading all over him. _Husband_ , Kaminaga had called him. It sounds so nice coming out of his lips.

“I know that the majority of our lives were surrounded by or built atop lies, but I want you to know that from this point on I’m going to be nothing but honest to you.” Kaminaga is back to looking into his eyes, “This is my vow to you.”

Hatano feels like his heart is so close to bursting. “Why do I get the feeling that you didn’t just come up with that?” he can’t help but ask, trying to distract himself from the way the other’s words make him weak in the knees.

Kaminaga’s expression turns sheepish, “I may have been mulling over it from the moment you accepted my proposal.”

“Ah,” the corner of Hatano’s lips quirks upward in amusement, “I see.”

“You don’t have to say anything back. I wanted to say it for my own sake.”

Hatano firmly shakes his head. _That would be too unfair._ “I love you, just as much,” he responds, soft but with conviction. His thumb traces down the deep lines on Kaminaga’s face, one of the very few blatant signs of his age. “And I, too, will be nothing but true to you from this point on.”

When they finally disentangle from each other, the sun had fully set in the horizon, and they’re engulfed in darkness because Kaminaga had closed the door and came in without turning on the lights. They laugh and tease their way through cooking and eating dinner. They tumble into bed together and kiss _i-love-you_ s onto one another’s skin and when Hatano climaxes he sobs “husband” in Kaminaga’s ear.

They fall asleep in each other’s arms. It’s the best sleep Hatano has gotten in forever.

 

His concerns from earlier today still remain, but they’ll work it out, somehow. They always do.

**Author's Note:**

> me, sweating bullets while trying to justify my fic for the prompt: so like... it's their First day... and this fic happens in the span of One day... also these two basically implying that they're each other's The One... you know... haha.....
> 
> sort of want to dedicate this to chris, who is just as obsessed with this pairing as i am. we honestly are the backbone of this ship and no one can convince me otherwise.
> 
> anyways:  
> \- their wedding being super speedy is slightly based on holt & kevin's wedding flashback in b99.  
> \- yes somewhere in between getting out of the car and walking into the house kaminaga had an Epiphany™  
> \- i originally wanted them to start using their "real" name (yes i have headcanon about this), but that'd be too confusing, so let's just say they're not used to it yet so they're still using their spy names. baby steps, am i right?  
> \- there's hints of other headcanons in this fic, most of which hopefully will be written out in future fics in this same au, therefore i'm not gonna talk about it here. but you're welcome to ask me if you really want to know! (read: **_PLEASE_** ask me)
> 
> lastly: here's my [twitter](https://twitter.com/kaminagasama), [cc](https://curiouscat.me/tamanone), and [tumblr](http://tamanone.tumblr.com/).


End file.
